twirlpenguin's Xanga

I have moved!

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 00:02:08 GMT

Hello friends! This is just a quick note to say that, well, I have moved!
In order to keep in touch with my work friends, I made a brand-new blog (which makes for four I have had) and am trying to keep it updated. That being said, there are posts there! Go check it out! More exclamation marks!
Here it be: http://manckeinreallife.wordpress.com/
-Emily

My Poor, Headless Laptop

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 00:03:41 GMT

Well, friends, my amazing luck with electronics has continued! I can't remember if I posted here that my lappy's hinges were completely freaking broken, well one of them was. The hinge had completely sheared off. Cool, huh?
Well, with help from the ever-awesome Ian and Matthew with a Beard, I have successfully completely removed my laptop top, aka the screen, and have instead connected a flat-screen monitor we had back home.
Lovely, right?

Mom and I have decided to go ahead and order a MacBook when the semester is over to replace poor headless Linus. The upside of all of this, besides the whole new Mac in May business, is that now I have a fully functional desktop for my house when I am a grown-up some day. Ha! Also, I am going to try to expand my hacker skillz and turn the old screen into a digital picture frame : D

In other, non-computer news, Jim and I celebrated our 2-year anniversary Thursday and my 21st birthday was Friday! I got a ton of facebook messages and such, but most of them told me to be responsible, which is funny since I didn't, and am not going to, drink. Jim and I did go see Horton Hears a Who and had Cold Stone, but that was the extent of my debauchery. We are having a triple birthday party tonight for me and my friends Brian and Chelsea, but I plan on simply marveling at the drunkenness of others, namely my amusing theatre friends : D

All in all, life is going pretty well. I'm sporting all A's, one A- and a B+ as of mid-term, which isn't bad, and have figured out my schedule for next semester. James and I are doing very well, but are super busy the majority of the time. I'm going back to my job in San Antonio this summer and living with my sister, brother-in-law, and my awesome twin nephews in their new house (yay!). I think that's about it for now, though!

Also, props to me for posting. And then un-props for saying props.

The Last Week or So

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 01:02:58 GMT

Accomplishment: I made a 90 on my first Accounting test!!! : D

Anger: A party that is to be at my house tonight has thus far resulted in two things:
1. an overflowed toilet draining trough my bathroom ceiling and dripping all over my stuff
2. a roommate yelling at me and threatening to smash things because we asked her to do the dishes. I guarantee they are not my dirty dishes because I don't cook here anymore because its always a fucking mess and someone stole/misplaced my spaghetti pot. Seriously, I never cook here.

Anger, cont...: Did I mention that said party was never revealed to the other 3 of us who live here. Isn't it usually courtesy to ask before one hosts a party in a group house?

Comfort: Jim and I are in a happy, happy place of comfort and laughs and he's the best boyfriend ever. Seriously. He bought me 300 for Valentine's Day. It's hard to get more awesome than that.

Confusion: Brian and I are having a weird time. I'm not sure what to do.

Dismay: We had a weird sleet-storm-y thing that made it look like Springfield had been attacked by snowcones. It was surreal

Excitement: I wiggled the iPod hard drive cables and fixed my iPod when I'd thought the hard drive had gone bad. Also, I found a cool program to display the cover art on my desktop from iTunes all pretty-ily.

Excitement, cont...: BJ and I have been getting along fantastically! And his girlfriend, Katie, and I are quickly becoming BFFs. In a your-boyfriend-and-mine-are-BFFs sort of way.

A P.s. Come in here and yell again. I am just looking for a reason to tell your little ass off. Do it.

am so happy. How is this part of me so damn upset all the time? Why do I want to give up so badly?

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 19:43:00 GMT

I need to accept that I’ve done all I can do, that I can’t change anyone’s mind but my own if it doesn’t want to be changed. No matter my reasons, my explanations, their answer will always be that I need to change. Even though the reasons I give are the same ones that they hold close and believe in, mine will not be acceptable. The only way for them to accept the way I am and why I am that way is for them to change their minds, not for me to change.

The happiness I have is the one I need to concentrate on, to nurture and enjoy and revel in. I don’t need to worry about how to appease people that aren’t really there for me anyway.

There is no logic involved in what is going on. There is no way for me to flip a magic switch and have everything be OK. I need to find the happiness within myself, not to try to change what I am to make them happy.

I cannot explain myself to them with any hope of understanding.

I cannot react differently to get a more hopeful response.

I am not going to try to be who and how they want me to be. That’s not me, even if they don’t understand that.

They know who I am to them. I know who they are to me. Both of these may need to change, but they probably won’t. We just have to try to make the little adjustments, the ones that will make the tears and battles farther apart.

The important part is to be happy with who I am, how I am, where I am, and who I am with. That is what is important. It is.

-----------------------------------------------

I am sick. I am tired. I am tired of this. I am tired of you. I am tired of you taking advantage of me. I am tired of you telling me I’m overreacting and I’m tired of never being or doing right to you. I am tired of you overreacting and no one calling you on it. I am tired of your pretentiousness. I am tired of you skewing other people’s perceptions and opinions. I am tired of you making problems where there is happiness and understanding. I am tired of you having some sort of power over me and my feelings. I am tired of trying to stand up for myself and being told that I am wrong. I am tired of being dismissed. I am sick and I am tired. I am sick and tired of you.

You arrogant, pretentious, self-centered, overly dramatic, little son of a bitch.

----------------------------------------------

In other news, Jim and I are fine. A year and a half is rapidly approaching and the semester is already flying by. We just got two kittens, Parker and PB. They're wonderful and cute and ours!

It's infuriating to be so happy with my life, but still want to give up so much of the time for something I can't change or affect anymore. Jim's done what he can, too. It's getting to the point that I'm about to say fuck social whatever and yell and scream until something changes. I am tired of being the wrong one, the one that overreacts, the one that needs to change.

How can you make someone change their mind if they're permanently convinced that they're right?

The answer? You can't.

Unfortunately I can't be OK with that.

Guess What?

Wed, 30 May 2007 14:44:08 GMT

I just passed my driver's test, friends! That's right.. I finally have a driver's license. Be proud of me. Very proud. ; )

Also, Jim is in London right now and I haven't gotten to talk to him yet since we're having phone card issues as well as time problems. Hopefully he'll find me today..

The Summer..

Tue, 22 May 2007 18:33:34 GMT

The summer has begun, I suppose.

At the moment I am all alone in Jim's house, posting on LJ because I have read all of his books. The giant left for New York this morning for the first week of his study abroad trip. It's his first plane ride and all that jazz. After this week, they head to London for two weeks. The whole trip is centered around theatre and he's going to see like 5 Broadway shows and 6 or 7 in London. Lucky bastard. I'm so proud of him for getting together all his money and going on this grand adventure with his friends, but it'll never stop hurting when he leaves. I do <3 that boy very much.

My Mom flies into Springfield Friday night and then we're driving back to Gilmer Saturday morning. I have been practicing driving for about a week and a half now, and I'm still vaguely awful at it. I don't like it, but I understand its necessity. Unfortunately.

I am kinda psyched about my job this summer, though. I'll be staying with my sister Jennifer, her husband LJ, and their 2-year-old twins Hunter and Chase from June the 4th to August the 3rd as I intern at Zachry Construction (the same company LJ and my Dad work for) as a Graphic Designer/Marketing Services Coordinator. This internship will actually be useful (YAY!) and seems like a good fit for me. I'll also be taking an online Media Writing course from Drury, so I won't have any time to miss my Jim-Jim (yeah right).

This semester went by quickly and I came out with mostly As and 2 A-s which is kind of awesome considering I was feeling some Bs and Cs in my future.. don't ask me how I pulled it off cuz I have no idea, though I am proud of myself.

Has anyone noticed how many people our age are getting married/engaged? It's nuts. I went to one of the Mooks' (Jim's friends and hopefully mine now as well) wedding this Sunday with the boys and it was just surreal. I can't imagine being able to be married at 20 and in college. I hope they make it and that all my friends up here and at home all make it as well, but it's hard to be really optimistic about a bunch of kids getting married to each other, you know? I am awfully glad that Jim and I are slow and cautious. (we don't even say we love each other yet). (but we're weird. really weird). : D

Now I'm going to go back to moping in Jim's room, waiting for him to call when they get settled in NYC, trying not to think about how weird it is that I'm in his house with his family but without him. At least we all get along! Happy Summer to all! *maybe I'll actually update this thing all summer! *gasp* ; )

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 13:03:00 GMT

Squee!
A year! A year! A yearayearayear! The giant and I have been together one whole year today! And my birthday is tomorrow. And two of my teachers are married and have a sick kid so all sorts of class is getting canceled! AND A YEAR!!!!!!!!!

:D

(that was really gross.. I apologize. a little)

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 05:34:49 GMT

Holy Freaking Crap.
I seem to have lost my magic folder with all my major requirements and such in it. Suckass.

Also, I technically only need 9 more credit hours to graduate with a BA. But my courses don't fill any of our major programs.. It's really kind of depressing. Also, to graduate with a special program, three majors, and three minors I only need to take 13.5 hours each semester for the next 4... Or I could do 18 a semester and graduate December 2008. Except I don't want to DIE.

TAMS has messed me up good. gracious.

(also, everything is OK again. with my friends and my jim and everything! : ) )

Friday, February 16, 2007

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 23:15:28 GMT

Good things:

- My iPod (the really good deal from eBay) is here and is not a scam and is wondermus! I named him Schroeder (my computer is named Linus, so it seemed fitting!)

- Jim and I had a lovely Valentine's day! He got me and RA Salvatore trilogy and candy and I made him cookies shaped like heartses and such. And another present that is a secret.. (sh!)

- The cake I made for Greg, our theatre technical director, turned out great and he really appreciated it! Happy Greg Appreciation Day!!

Bad Things:

- Jim and I had our first actual fight last night. It was totally my fault because I am nuts sometimes and freak myself out. He was tired, I was tired, it was NOT the time for it because I had just had a friend clash (see below) and I wound up telling him to just go home while I cried and then ran out after him in my PJs and bare feet in the snow to catch him before I left to apologize. He forgave me and we're alright, but I was terrified that I had fucked everything up. He is much much too good to me sometimes.. I took him leaving (when I told him to, mind you) to mean he was done, forever, when he was just done with dealing with it for the night (it was past midnight) Anywho. It's alright now. I may speak on it more later.

- I have these Tuesday night dinners, you see? They're at my apartment after the boys get out of rehearsal. I spend 30-50 bucks, usually, and it takes a couple hours at least to make the food for my friends and to leave leftovers for Jim and I (the actual point of TND).. The problem is that my friends are.. rambunctious and in my house. Generally, it's fine but when it gets to be late and I've been cooking for a couple hours before and have work to do, I get to the point where I want them to leave. And have little to no tact telling them exactly that. I try to make it better by having Jim tell them, but it doesn't work. They don't listen to me except to get pissed off or ignore me... They get on my computer and in my room and it's inFURIATING. I understand that I invited them over, but they are asses and then tell me that I AM the one being rude and it's not their fault I'm in a bad mood! The only ONLY thing I ask them to do is take the trash out when they leave, but when I'm being blunt asking them to leave, it seems rude. Brian and I just had a big yelling match about the same thing (He bangs on my door, pushes past me to get to my room, and then tells me it's not his fault I'm pissy when I tell him that is EXACTLY the reason I am tactless when I tell them to leave) AGH!

- It seems like all the bad mood things keep piling up. And I don't know if it's me being grumpy or them not being understanding.. I need my Jim here.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 02:35:01 GMT

Squee!
I just won an iPod on eBay for under $115 : ) And almost by accident, to boot! I like to bid ridiculously low prices, aka the prices I would pay, on iPods and that ilk. So, as I was fiddling around earlier, I found an iPod with a "problem". The problem is just that it needs to be reformatted. So I bid like.. $100 for it with 2 minutes left. And then this sneaky person bid like $103 and I got PO'd and wanted to beat them.. and now I have an iPod : ) (and I bought a charger too) And now, I hope, my eBay addiction is out of my system since I won something and no longer have to go perusing around for things.. : ) Way to turn around, shitty day, way to turn around!

And now, time for the 3rd consecutive Tuesday night dinner by Em and Jim. We feed our friends and conveniently produce leftovers for our 10 am lunch (sucky, I know) on Wednesday!